MILEAGE XIII

Chapter 13

Explanation II

SHE LOOKED UP at me with big wet puppy eyes. "Tiki, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry. You have to know that I never meant to hurt you or your father, at all. I love you and I love your father, too. In different ways. When I met your father, I met the greatest man in the world. There was no better than him. But I have needs, Tiki," I rolled my eyes at this completely by accident, because we all know that Catherine had needs, "and your father was barely around. We had a big argument about it before I went to Maine and then Brazil and we ceased contact during that trip, which was when I became involved with Mr. Auburn. I wasn't that into him, really. But one night on the beach I had an experience with a woman that left me confused with what that meant for me because I enjoyed it so much. So I threw myself at Henry because I had to make sure that it was men that I wanted. Not necessarily Henry, but men. MAN. He fell in love, but I just wanted your father. That wasn't an option, however. He was unavailable, not paying me any mind. When I came home your father didn't pick me up from the airport, you did.

“He made it seem like it was work but purposefully picked up shifts and was never around from the minute I arrived back here to when I left. I was always just here, counting down until my next trip and then I started hanging out with you, Tiki, and you became my best friend, you really did. Between your father's alienation- "I rolled my eyes again at this- "Henry being so... so difficult and needy, and me discovering who I really was, well, I just thought that, I mean..." she let her voice drift off and looked down and then back up at me.

I wasn't sure if she was going to burst out in tears again but the dramatics were all too much for me so I slid her over the box of tissue that sat on my table and slowly got up and headed to my stash. A spliff would be needed for this and I couldn't figure out why I didn't already have one prepared.

I sat back and rolled up as Catherine quietly watched.

"Catherine," I said sternly. She blinked. "I know you like how my tongue pearls the spliff, but continue please"

She sighed and sat back, slowly peeling her eyes away from me and staring off into the dramatic distance. "Tiki, we started spending so much time together and well, you know how that goes. You went from best friend to lover. I loved you. I LOVE you. But I couldn't do what you wanted me to do. I couldn't ruin the relationship between you and your father. I couldn't come mess up things between you two, and I didn't want you thinking that way either. It all sounded beautiful, but it wasn't practical, Tiki. So I tried the best I could to distance myself, and it was so hard-" I caught a tear welling up in the corner of her right eye but I was over rolling my eyes so I sat silently and ground up some of my stash- "but then I ended up having to work with Dr. Auburn," she gently sighed and began toying with her hair, "Fiona, who is so good with children and then things happened between us and well, I'm her first woman experience and she's fallen hard. I just, I don't know if I feel for her the same way she feels for me." The tears rolled down again and I began to wonder how much tears she had stored up in there.

"Catherine, did you ever feel the same way we felt about you to any of us? And no, I'm not trying to hear you discovering yourself as an excuse, Catherine. I understand just how scary a time that can be, I get it. But that doesn't give you a right or excuse to step all over people's feelings and love for you." I leaned forward and began grinding more weed. "There's ways to go about shit, Catherine, and this ain't fucking it."

She watched me lick, roll and tuck, lick, roll and tuck, before she opened her mouth to say something. However, no words came out. She just sat there looking like a fish in water.

I reached over and rubber her shoulder with my free hand, then grabbed her and pulled her into a hug. I hated what she'd done to me- to my father, but I loved her I couldn't stop loving her overnight. She nestled into my neck and I let my face nuzzle her brown curls, taking in the scent. I didn't realize how much I truly missed her, but I couldn't get caught up. I sat up, lit the spliff and took a deep draw. "Stop crying," I coughed out. "I hate seeing you like this."

She sat up and wiped away the tears streaming her face. "Tiki, I'm so so sorry. You have to understand."

"Explain Sam," I bellowed out, to my surprise.

"You know why," she whispered, weakly. "As for Miranda, I knew that was some kind of set up. She couldn't have possibly thought I would be that dumb."

"It's not dumb that they think you are, Captain."

She wiped away a couple more tears. "I don't know what else to say, Tiki."

"I don't know what else to say myself, Catherine."

She scooted to the edge of the cushion she sat on and stopped abruptly. "I love you, Tiki, I do. But I love your father very much, too. And I'm sorry I hurt you both." She got up and made her way upstairs and I watched her leave, up and then out of the door.

IT WAS REALLY happening. I looked around at my room, an Egypt where the pyramids were that of boxes. My last night in my basement domain, and the feeling was bittersweet. I was leaving the house that I and my dad had stuck together in for so long, and all alone at that, when something so awkward and intense had occurred. I hadn't seen Catherine since our talk, and my father had been MIA, most certainly picking up shifts and throwing himself in work and coworker gatherings. This was also a relief because I couldn't stand to see my father stressed or grieving over this situation, but at the same time I didn't want him feeling alone.

Same had come over earlier in the day to kick it and help me pack up the last of my petty little belongings, as well as spark a final cypher. Something about having this room completely empty was heart wrenching to me, so I sat down on the couch and scrolled through IKEA for new furniture. This could be a guest room/office for Dad or yet, me, when I felt comfortable being in the space again.
          Of course I leaving behind the memories made here with Miranda. As I scrolled the IKEA website, my mind slowly scrolled through the memories with her, smoking with me on the couch, dragging my blankets everywhere, breaking her back in. Overwhelmed, I put the laptop on the couch next to me and fumbled through my book bag for my last bit of bud. Time to re-up.